


Take Me Back (When I was Younger)

by flowersintheattic



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 01:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16713790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersintheattic/pseuds/flowersintheattic
Summary: “It’s been six months, Flower. And I’ve heard nothing.Nothing.If I’ve learned anything in my life it’s that people come and go. And Geno’s gone."





	Take Me Back (When I was Younger)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [sidgenophotochallenge](http://sidgenophotochallenge.tumblr.com). The title is from Jon Bellion’s [The Wonder Years](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9knhYFkJpNk).
> 
> This is a work of fiction. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/143720986@N04/44198822680/in/dateposted/)  
> 

“He could still come back, Sid.”

Sid sighs and looks up from his notes. “Can we not talk about this for once? I just want to write this paper and go home, Flower.”

“I’m just saying. I know how much he cared about you, and I’m worried. You haven’t been the same since he left and I still don’t believe he’s gone for good.”

Sid sighs again and rubs a hand across his face. “You know how much I appreciate your endless, though often misguided, optimism. But can we just, I don’t know, not bring this up all the time? I’m trying to move on. He _told_ me to move on. I can’t do that with you constantly stirring my hopes up.”

Flower looks chagrined, but continues, “But he--”

“It’s been six months, Flower,” Sid snaps loudly. The student at the next table glances up at him questioningly. His face heats and he lowers his voice. “And I’ve heard nothing. _Nothing._ If I’ve learned anything in my life it’s that people come and go. And Geno’s gone. Just… Drop it. Please.” Sid stares back down at the book he’d been taking notes from and is horrified to see the words swimming. He blinks furiously and turns to his laptop and begins typing.

“Oh, Sidney,” Flower says, reaching over to squeeze his arm. “I’m sorry, my friend. You’re right, I won’t bring him up again.”

“It’s fine,” Sid takes in a shaky breath and tries to smile at Flower, though it comes out as more of a grimace. He groans softly to himself and puts his face in his hands. When he looks back up, he suddenly needs to be anywhere but at the library. He snaps his laptop shut and begins hastily shoving things into his backpack “I think I’m done studying for the day. I’ll see you back at the apartment, yeah?” he says with false cheerfulness. Flower makes to follow but Sid shakes his head sharply once. “I’ll see you at home, okay?” Sid zips up his bag and turns towards the door.

 

~*~

 

The bar is busy for a Wednesday night. It’s the Pens season opener, so Sid attributes the uptick in patronage to them. More tips for him either way. He hands a customer her change and turns back to Flower, who’s been trying to cajole him into making him a complicated - and expensive - drink he’d seen online for the last 10 minutes. Sid hands him a beer instead. “You know I’m not giving you free alcohol, Flower,” he says. “I just got this job in the summer and you’re not going to be the reason I lose it.”

“Come on, Sidney, not even for your best friend?”

Before Sid can answer, a train roars by, shaking the bottles and rattling the tables. Not for the first time Sid wonders why the bar is so close to the tracks, but if nothing else it gives a certain aesthetic. Kind of. If you squint.

Once he can be heard again, he says, “Especially not for my best friend.”

Flower dips his fingers into the beer and flicks the droplets in Sid’s direction. “Kill-joy.”

“Flower!” Sid rolls his eyes and grabs a towel to wipe off his face. “Asshole,” he grumbles as a new customer sits at the bar. Before Sid can say anything, the man smiles and asks, “What kind name is Flower?”

Sid takes in the stranger, noting his warm brown eyes and full lips. He leans against the bar and grins back. “I wish I could describe this guy over here,” pointing his thumb at Flower, “but words can’t explain that level of crazy.” Flower has the decency to look affronted, and the man laughs appreciatively. Sid chuckles with him before asking, “What can I get you?”

“You old enough to be behind bar? Look young.” The man sticks his tongue between his teeth. “Don’t want get in trouble now.”

“I’m a senior at UPitt, thank you very much. I am plenty old enough,” he says, trying to hide his surprise. Is this guy flirting with him?

Before he can say anything, Flower cuts in, “I don’t know Sid, the guy’s got a point. Your baby face might be turning away willing customers.” He tips his glass towards the man. 

“I’m not think that face keep anyone away,” the man says with a wink in Sid’s direction. Sid sees Flower’s eyebrows rise and feels color creep up on his cheeks. His stomach flips pleasantly. “Name is Evgeni. Can call Geno - easier for Americans.” He sticks his hand out for Sid to shake.

“Sid. And lucky for you, neither of us are Americans. I’ll still stick with Geno though,” Sid says, shaking his hand. It’s warm and soft, and Geno holds on for longer than strictly necessary. Yep, definitely flirting. 

“Can have the local tap, Sid?” Geno asks, sliding over his ID. Sid brushes his fingers against Geno’s as he takes it. He smiles warmly and hands it back. 

“Coming right up.”

\--

Flower decides to leave during first intermission and gives Sid a significant look as he walks towards the door. Sid rolls his eyes and waves him off. 

Geno, however, ends up staying at the bar all night. They watch the Pens game, argue about the PK, and learn bits of information about each other during lulls in the game. Between watching the game, taking orders, and making small talk with various patrons, Sid learns that Geno is an MBA candidate here for the credentials to take back home to Russia to help run his father’s steel company.

Right as second intermission starts another train rumbles by. “What with the trains?” Geno shouts above the noise, holding his glass tightly. 

Sid waits to answer until the train passes. “They pass through every couple hours during the week and a few times on weekends. Don’t worry, they become part of the background once you get used to them.”

“Not sure I ever get used to _that_ much background,” Geno mutters, shaking his head.

“You can get used to just about anything,” Sid shrugs before stepping away to help another customer.

Once he’s back and leaning against the counter, Geno asks “So why Canadian come all the way to Pittsburgh for master’s in sports medicine? College no good in Canada?”

Sid’s smile falters and he looks away from Geno. He grabs a rag and begins wiping the already clean bar top. “Ah, no, I needed to get away. I told my parents I was gay and they- they didn’t take it well.”

Geno puts his hand over Sid’s to stop the slow circles he’s making. “I’m sorry, Sid. Sorry you have to go through that.”

Sid risks a glance up at Geno before focusing on their joined hands. “It’s okay. I mean, it’s not, but I’m okay now. I have great friends. It’s been a few years, and I’ve been able to talk to my sister more regularly again. So I guess I can’t complain.”

“Not complain, Sid. Shitty parents for not accept own child.” Sid flips his hand over to squeeze Geno’s gently. He looks back up at him and says, “Thanks, Geno.”

“Not for thank. I’m understand how feel though. Russia very old fashion. Is why I’m glad to come to America,” Geno squeezes his hand back and asks, “Not want to be forward, but can I take to dinner sometime, Sid?”

Sid huffs out a startled laugh, but grins. “I’d like that.” 

\--

Sid finds being in a relationship with Geno easy. Geno is great, the sex is great, and he fits almost effortlessly into Sid’s life. Falling in love with Geno is the easiest thing he’s done since arriving in Pittsburgh. Geno and Flower get along like a house on fire, and Geno spends many of Sid’s shifts at the bar either studying or conspiring with Flower to egg Sid on mercilessly, to which he feigns annoyance but secretly loves.

The summer apart is hard, and Sid spends a lot of time resolutely _not_ thinking about the fact that Geno may be heading back to Russia once he graduates. It’s the one thing they don’t talk about in their relationship. It feels like a dark cloud in the distance that Sid’s not sure how to address. It’s not like him to avoid a problem, but if he’s honest with himself he’s too afraid of the answer to bring it up.

Geno takes the decision out of his hands one night shortly after their one-year anniversary. Geno is sitting in his usual spot while Sid makes his rounds. Once he’s back behind the bar, he says, “Talk to papa today, Sid.”

Sid is opening a handful of beers not looking at Geno. “About what?”

“I’m ask papa what he thinks about me running American branch in Chicago. I said would be good for company if Russian in charge of US operations. I get American degree, I’m clearly best option, yes?”

Sid sets the beers down loudly on the bar top and turns to Geno in surprise. “Seriously Geno? What did he say?” he asks, voice betraying his hopefulness.

“He said he think about. Not set in stone yet, but I’m sure I can convince. Will take time, will have to spend time in Russia for a while. But hope I might be able to transfer by time you graduate.”

Sid reaches across the counter to press a kiss to Geno’s lips. Geno cups his face and tries to deepen it, but Sid swats at him and pulls back. “Geno, that’s great news! Are you sure your dad will be okay with it?”

Geno shrugs. “Not 100% sure, but want. Want more than anything.”

Sid grabs his hand and squeezes. “Me too.”

\--

With the belief that Geno will be able to work for the American branch of Malkin Steel Corp, Sid spends the little amount of free time he has during his first year of grad school researching jobs and apartments in the Chicago area. 

However, as it gets closer to Geno’s graduation date, Sid notices how much more time Geno spends on the phone and how distracted and distant he is when he’s off of it. When Sid asks what’s wrong, Geno just shakes his head and tells him everything is fine. As the weeks go on he continues to press the issue, but Geno seems unwilling to share any information. Finally, he tells Sid he’s been arguing with his father about some decisions the business is making, but it’s nothing to be concerned about. 

\--

About a week after the end of the semester, Sid hears Geno walk into the apartment. Sid’s lying on the couch with a book, and when Geno walks in he glances over the top of it and smiles. “Hey G.”

Geno takes a deep breath. “Sid, need to talk.”

Sid marks his page and sets the book on his lap but doesn’t get up. He holds his hand out to Geno and says, “Okay, what’s up?”

Geno moves to sit on the coffee table. He takes Sid’s hand in both of his and brings it up to his lips to kiss. “Don’t know how to say. Thought I could stay here, with you. But can’t. Was fool.”

Sid stares up at Geno, confused. “What are you saying?” he asks, pulling his hand back.

“Have to leave, have go back to Russia.”

Sid sits up abruptly, book falling off of his lap onto the floor. “Now? I thought you didn’t have to go back until the end of the summer?”

Geno won’t meet his eyes. “Papa says come home now.”

“Why-- for how long?” Sid’s mind is already doing calculations. “We can work out a travel schedule then, yeah? Figure out opportune times for you to visit, and--”

Geno shakes his head and looks down. “Going home for good, Sid.”

Sid’s stomach drops. “For good? What are you saying, Geno? What about Chicago?”

Geno stares resolutely at the ground between them. “Papa need me in Russia. Company change plan, papa says can’t work in US long term. Can’t stay here. Parents have expectations. Family have expectations. Have to meet. I’m sorry.” He sniffs and brings a hand up to wipe his nose.

“You’re-- are you breaking up with me? Just like that?” Sid whispers, disbelief and hurt taking his voice from him.

“No! Not ‘just like that.’ Don’t _want_ break up. But don’t know when or if I ever be back. Can’t ask you to wait for me. Not fair to you so can’t be together anymore. I’m sorry,” Geno looks up pleadingly into Sid’s eyes, “I’m so sorry. But always was plan to go back to Russia. You know this.”

“I’ll wait for you. I could come visit--”

“No place for you and me in Russia, Sid.” Geno says softly. “Can’t work. Want you to be happy. You deserve better than waiting on ‘maybe.’” 

“But I thought-” Sid doesn’t finish his sentence. 

“I thought too. But like I said. Was fool. Can’t defy parents, have to do right thing. Have to go back home.” Geno grabs for his hand again, but Sid shakes away from his grasp and stands up. He wraps his arms around himself and starts pacing the room. 

“That’s it then? The last two years were what? Just for fun, just for you to pass the time?”

Geno stands and says, “Sid, no. I love you, want you to be happy.”

“But not enough to stay,” he says bitterly, stopping in front of the window.

“Not fair, Sid. Parents give me everything.”

Silence fills the room. As Sid stares out the window, he hears the air horn blare from a train passing through town. “So that’s it then?” he asks again.

Geno walks to Sid’s side and pulls him into a hug. “I’m sorry Sid. So sorry.”

Sid clutches Geno briefly before pushing back and shoving his hands into his pockets. He turns his back to Geno and stares unseeing out the window, eyes hot and prickling. “Just leave,” he says quietly. 

He feels Geno staring at him for what seems like an eternity before Geno turns towards the door. He hears him set something down before he closes the door softly behind him. Sid turns to see his apartment key sitting on the table.

 

~*~

 

Sid heads home, cold air nipping at his ears as he makes the walk. He curses himself for forgetting his toque and turns up his collar against the wind. He crosses the tracks and is almost past the bar when he hears steps rushing to catch up to him. Without turning around, he says, “Flower, I told you, I just want to go home. I have to work tonight and I’d really like to get a nap in first.”

The steps slow to a stop “What kind name is Flower?” the person asks.

Sid whips around at the voice. He stares, unable to move “...Geno?” 

“Hi Sid,” Geno says, giving him a tentative smile. Sid gapes at him. “I missed you.”

Anger flares hotly in Sid’s chest. “You missed me? You left and said you weren’t coming back! What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I was wrong,” Geno says, taking a step towards Sid.

Sid takes a step back and crosses his arms. “Wrong about what? You made it very clear at the end of last semester where we stood,” Sid spits out, taking another step away from Geno. As quick as the anger came, it begins seeping out of him like water through a cracked vase. Quietly, he asks, “Why are you here, Geno?”

“I was wrong,” Geno repeats. “Thought I have do things certain way, thought I have _be_ certain person. I’m was afraid, Sid.” Geno reaches towards him but drops his arm when he sees Sid flinch. “I’m not afraid anymore.” Geno smiles at him again, timid but hopeful. 

Sid looks up at him and sees the regret and the pain and the _love_ naked in Geno’s eyes. He absolutely does not know what to do with that, so he gazes down at his sneakers. Geno continues, “I understand if move on. I understand if not want be with me. But I’m have to try. Have to come back, have to know.” He takes a step closer again and this time Sid doesn’t step away. Geno reaches his hand out and touches Sid’s elbow lightly. “Sid?”

He looks back up. “I-” Sid’s voice cracks, and he clears his throat to start again. The words start flowing from his mouth and he doesn’t know how to stop them. “I tried. To move on. But I couldn’t, Geno, I tried so hard because you left like it was easy and now you’re back saying you want to try again like six months of radio silence was _nothing._ I spent days trying to squash any remaining hope I had, and I can’t--” Sid’s voice hitches, and he wipes at his nose with the back of a gloved hand. “I can’t do this again.” Sid knows he should pull his arm out of Geno’s grasp, but he can only stand there with his head down.

“Sid, look at me,” Geno says, moving his hand up Sid’s arm and cups his face. Sid leans into the touch despite his best efforts. “Sid, please?”

Sid looks up, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I can’t,” he says, voice quivering. “You might not be afraid anymore, but I am.”

The sudden dinging of the crossing gates startles Sid into taking a step closer to Geno, who uses the opportunity to rub his hands up and down Sid’s arms soothingly. They stare at each other as the train moves past, and Sid finally lets his tears fall. Geno wipes them away, smiling sadly at Sid but not letting him go. Sid doesn’t pull away. 

Once the train is gone, Geno speaks again. “I’m know I hurt you, Sid. I’m sorry took so long for me to figure my shit out. I’m know how much I have to make up. I’m know it not easy to trust again. But I’m here to stay. I’m want to try again, if you have me. Sid, I meant what said before left. I love you. I never meant hurt you. Please, can we start again?”

Sid shoves his hands in his pockets, and Geno reluctantly lets him go. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say to you,” he says honestly, his desire to wrap himself in Geno’s arms warring with his need to keep his distance. 

Geno shuffles his feet nervously. “Could say yes.” 

Sid gives him a considering look. “How do I know this isn’t just as temporary as last time? Why should I believe you’ll stay?”

Geno takes in a deep breath. “Because I’m told papa everything. Told him why I so unhappy, why I want stay in America. And papa? He want me to be happy, even if not fully understand. You make me happy, happiest ever.”

“You made me happy too, G. But I can’t forget the last six months happened like it wasn’t hard, didn’t hurt. What you did hurt me more than I can say.”

“Understand Sid. Know I have lot to make up. But want to try, yes?” Geno’s voice is so hopeful it makes Sid’s chest ache.

Sid wipes at his face to clear away the tear tracks. “I should say no.”

Geno grins suddenly. He knows Sidney too well. He nods his head towards the bar and asks, “Want to get a drink with me?”

Sid presses his lips together and takes a cleansing breath through his nose. “I guess Flower was right,” he says instead of answering.

Geno raises his eyebrow in question.

“You came back.” Geno hums in agreement and holds out his hand for Sid to take.

“Always gunna come back to you, Sid.”

**Author's Note:**

> Visit me on [tumblr](http://www.livinganexistence.tumblr.com)!


End file.
